The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.