Groucho Marx

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.