Funny Quotes

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

We are all born mad. Some remain so.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.