Funny Quotes

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.