Funny Quotes

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.