Funny Quotes

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

I like children - fried.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

Never fight an inanimate object.

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.