Funny Quotes

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes.