Funny Quotes

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.

All my children inherited perfect pitch.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

Why does everyone think the future is space helmets, silver foil, and talking like computers, like a bad episode of Star Trek?

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean.

If you're naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don't like.

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.