Funny Quotes

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry.

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I saw a stationery store move.

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.