Funny Quotes

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

Too much agreement kills a chat.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

Cure for an obsession: get another one.

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents.

What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.