Funny Quotes

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.