Funny Quotes

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

I never liked you, and I always will.