Funny Quotes

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'

We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later.

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.