Funny Quotes

Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity.

I'm an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.

One picture is worth 1,000 denials.

I own and operate a ferocious ego.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.

Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.