Funny Quotes

My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.