Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met.

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'