Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

Who included me among the ranks of the human race?

I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved.

A word to the wise is infuriating.

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America.

Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.