You're only as good as your last haircut.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?