Jeff Foxworthy

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.