Elayne Boosler

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.