Bill Bryson

To me, the greatest invention of my lifetime is the laptop computer and the fact that I can be working on a book and be in an airport lounge, in a hotel room, and continue working; I fire up my laptop, and I'm in exactly the same place I was when I left home - that, to me, is a miracle.

I once joked in a book that there are three things you can't do in life. You can't beat the phone company, you can't make a waiter see you until he is ready to see you, and you can't go home again.

I have long known that it is part of God's plan for me to spend a little time with each of the most stupid people on earth.

I'm not funny in person. I mean I'm really not. I'm one of those people who always screw up anecdotes.