Ambrose Bierce

Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.

Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.